Dear diary, today I learned that
not every joke is funny when you’re a lead
You Can’t Spell Slaughter Without Laughter
I love standup comedy. Always have. I grew up on Monty Python, Alan Partridge, and the glorious absurdity of British humor (and Polish obviously – “Kabaret Potem”, the movie “Rejs” etc). Somewhere in my brain, Ricky Gervais is permanently installed, whispering his mantra: “If you think of something funny, you’ve got to say it.“
That quote lived rent-free in my head for years. It served me well. It brought levity to long debugging sessions and endless meetings.
A culture of silliness
We had a #random channel on Slack, a sacred space for memes, puns, shower thoughts. During Google Meet calls, we’d toss jokes into the chat. It was part of the team’s charm. We were productive, but we laughed — a lot.
Same joke, new context
And then I became a lead engineer. Suddenly it’s different. What you say can be perceived differently.
When engineers make jokes about AI replacing engineers – it’s funny. When a lead does that, it’s a signal of restructuring, layoffs or stricter performance reviews.
When engineers make jokes about delays in the team – it’s just dealing with tough reality of maintaining legacy systems. When a lead does that, it can sound like a criticism.
Joke responsibly
This was tough to swallow. Humor is part of my identity. It’s my way of bonding, of lightening the mood. But I had to learn to tame the impulse.
I started noticing a new habit: typing a joke into Slack, hovering over the “Send” button, then slowly hitting backspace. Not because it wasn’t funny — but because it might land wrong.
And yes, I made a mistake (This was the theme of the previous LED entry). My manager later pulled me aside and commented that.
I felt bad. It wasn’t malicious, just careless. But leadership isn’t about intent — it’s about impact.
Great power
You’ve heard it a million times, but here it is again:
With great power comes great responsibility.
Cheesy? But feels accurate. Being a lead doesn’t mean being less human. It means being more aware.
I still laugh with my team. I still share the occasional meme. But now I:
- Consider the audience
- Think about context
- Choose words more carefully
Because it’s not about silencing your personality — it’s about making space where others feel safe bringing theirs.
Thanks for reading LED — Lead Engineer’s Diary. If this resonated, share it with someone who’s also figuring it out as they go. Find all posts from the series here.
